Best Friends for a Reason

Everyone Should Have a Dog

Here in Vermont, I’ve heard it said more than once that if both a child and a dog goes missing, the dog will be found first. While I know this is tongue-in-cheek humor, I’ve learned that there is a bit of truth to it. Of course, there is no Amber Alert system for dogs, and children would have a difficult time surviving as feral animals for months. If your dog does go missing though, the empathy bestowed upon you by your neighbors, friends and family can be overwhelming.

“Where was he/she last seen?”

“What’s his/her name?”

“Does he/she have a collar?”

“If I find him/her, do I get to collect a reward?”

 “I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.”

― Bill Murray, Actor (and all-around swell guy)

I think Murray is correct. I’ve had a dog. In fact I’ve had a few. It wasn’t until I got a dog in my adult life though that I started to understand the relationship between the canine set and humans. Dogs are representative of everything we wish to be, or in my opinion, should be.

Chewy - Always mindful about safety and boat snacks

A dog does not lie, unless it is down. A dog does not take things for granted, unless it is the fact that you’ll come home. A dog is loyal, even if you bring other people into your life. A dog lives its life in the present, and just wants be near you. A dog is present in every relationship it has, and doesn’t spend the time you have together texting its dog friends.

This is not to say that if you don’t have a dog you’re a bad person. I’m sure that there are plenty of people out there who don’t own a dog, or even like dogs. Maybe your landlord doesn’t allow them on your lease. Perhaps you are allergic to dogs. Maybe you are a single parent and don’t have the time or moneyto spend on a dog.

Then again, maybe you’re just weird, have no friends are unemployed and live in your parents’ basement. You should probably consider a plant in that case.

When I tell people stories about my 13-year relationship with my first “real” dog Chewbacca, they look at me like I’ve got three heads.

“Your dog climbed trees?”

“Your dog played Frisbee for seven hours with 15 different people?”

“Your dog re-wired your entire house?”

Ok, that last one isn’t true, but the first two are. Now my charge is named Bean, and she’s pretty cool. She is incredibly fast, she smiles at me and loves to have her belly rubbed. Of course if you hear my friends talk - “she sheds too much,”  “won’t stay out of the garbage” and “does nothing but scrounge for loose scraps of food behind the sofa,” you’d think that having a dog is grounds for commitment. But then when you peek in to the living room and see Bean exuding her charm towards them on the sofa “which the dog is not allowed on”, you realize that underneath everyone’s hard, crusty exterior, is a big, gooey dog lover. Ok, maybe dog-liker.

Bean is a weirdo, but she likes being in the boat

“I hate it when your dog licks my toes.”

Having a dog is like having a best friend who only wants to do what you want to do. It’s as if whatever you want to do is their favorite thing in the whole world. Basically, you are their world. Once your dog has mastered the business of going outside to do his or her duty and gotten to learn the basic rules of the house it’s a perfect relationship. This relationship extends to all parts of you as well. If you’re sad, the dog knows and tries to be sweet to you. If you’re angry, they will try to make you smile. And, if you’re happy they will expect you to share that happiness in the form of something good to eat – like hamburgers or your favoritepair of Converse All-Stars.

If you ever run in to someone else with their dog, you immediately start judging their dog compared to yours. It’s something similar to people comparing their cars.

“Mine is a 2014, with all-wheel drive and a penchant for chasing squirrels”

“Mine is a 2009 who barks at shadows and fights with the garden hose.”

“Mine is a 2010 limited edition import that is great on mileage, dependable but doesn’t provide the lumbar support I need for long commutes. Oh my aching back!”

See? Everyone’s dog is an extension of them and vice versa. Your dog is totally freakin’ awesome and it’s everyone else who has the problem. Meanwhile, all their dogs are made of designer genes that impart an air of superiority.

“Mine is a labradoodle and has no pet dander.” (They neglect to tell you that the dog poops in the ficus and got its tongue stuck to a frozen swingset.)

“I’ve got a chiwaheenie. It’s a cross between a chia pet, and a Datsun 280Z. We think there’s some Scottish Highland Nutbar in there too. You should hear her swear when she gets stuck in the toilet bowl. She’s brilliant.”

“Mine is a cross between a bulldog and a shitzu. So yeah, pretty much. You can probably guess his name.”

“I think there’s another dog in that boat over there. I will bark at it.”

Studies have shown that kids raised around animals, and dogs in particular, are more empathetic, compassionate and aware. They score higher on multiple-choice tests, win more trophies in sporting events, and always remember to send birthday cards to their parents. Basically, if you have a dog in the house, your kids will get into that exclusive Ivy-League school and make you a better parent than your neighbor’s kid who lives in the basement and has a plant as their best friend.